Friday, October 26, 2007

Gothic vs Punk

In honor of Hallowe'en, we have How to Dance Gothic:
You went out to your local goth club in your black velvet frock coat, your hair teased up bigger and rattier than Edward Scissorhands’, and lace dripping from your wrists and throat. You looked fabulous. But as soon as you got on the dance floor, everyone started laughing — eventually, they had to toss you out of the club for being “deleterious to the proper level of angst.”

You need to learn to dance gothic.

It’s not that hard; just learn these simple moves and soon you can blend in with all the other spooky individuals on the dance floor at your local batcave. After all, for such an individualistic crowd, it’s kind of surprising how goths all seem to use the same moves. Maybe it’s something encoded in the Goth Genes™ rather than just lack of originality...

All difficulties and Goth Ratings are on a scale of one (pathetically easy or ridiculously non-gothic) to five (tragically difficult or stylishly ├╝ber-gothic).

Seriously, these moves are amazing, as is the imagery.

Once you're done with that, you can find out How to Dance Mosh Punk:
It looks easy, eh? You throw yourself around inna pit fulla other punks.

There’s some points to consider here.

A mosh pit isn’t about violence, it isn’t about getting hurt or hurting other people. It’s about slamming around and having fun without actually breaking bones or skin too much. It may sound wussy to talk about ’safe mosh’, but when Bruno the seven-foot spike-covered three-hundred-pound wannabe smashes you, you’ll think about it. Even if the person you’re planning on smacking around isn’t huge, he or she may have friends. A friend of mine tells about a time, back at a goth/punk/industrial club he used to frequent:

This trio of Dockers-wearing preps and yuppies came in from the chic restaurant nearby. They quickly jumped into the pit, oblivious to the stares and glares they were attracting, and proceeded to flail their arms (and fists) around and generally act like stupid mundane gits who thought moshing meant “I get to hit people and they have to take it.” Within five minutes, a few of the regulars who all scored high on size, attitude, or both showed them what happened to people who tried that kind of thing. They left with bruises, and the rest of the club got back to real moshing instead of idiocy.

Don’t be the idiot. If you want a fight, start a freekin’ fight, but don’t mess up people’s dancing for it.

If you don't want to take the time to master both types of dancing, you can take a quiz to find out which category you belong in, before heading back to the main page where you can find everything you ever wanted to know about becoming goth or punk, including fashion tips.

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